Hildegarde Goss, One Of A Kind.

Losing Miss Hildegarde at age 93 has certainly put a damper on our community, and robbed us of a talented artist, gadabout, and raconteur. Here is the monologue developed by Sunny Massad, based on an interview with Miss H. about 4 years ago......


Hildegarde
Age 89


"I was married for 64 years. I still feel married, although I’ve been a widow for 5 years (or however long it’s been). When Bill first died, a flood of people tended to my every need. But within a month, I was rattling around in this house by myself and was considered to be a single woman. I don’t consider myself to be single! Even though the old boy isn’t here any more, we are still married. I had my time with sex & romance but that was long gone. Along with relationships come compromise, and as Bill and I got older, neither of us were willing to pay that price. We were both fiercely independent.

I have never been a single woman, really, until now ... and I don’t have any children. I never had a desire to have any. I’m allergic to kids, I think. It never fails that when I get around them I come down with something.

When I’m lonely, I feel sorry for myself for as long as I can stand it ... I can have one hell of a pity party. But I limit myself to three days. And then I get bored with it and get myself to town where I can be around people - even if they are strangers, or people I don’t like - I get energy from people ... especially young people, whom I adore! But I remember all my dead friends and family fondly and I forget all about the hard times I ever had with them once they die. I like the memory of people more than I liked them when they were alive. That’s a terrible thing to say. But it’s true!

I have actually discovered some interesting things about living alone:
I only eat when I’m hungry - but I’m not hungry much any more. I prepare a little something to eat for myself, plop myself up on my bed, turn the TV on, and share my food, one bite at a time with each dog, and then one bite for me ... until it’s gone. Dogs love to eat people food and eating together makes it like a party. I also like to eat ice cream on frozen waffles any old time of day and have been known to eat a half a jar of homemade lemon curd in one sitting.
My false teeth fly out of my mouth when I eat so I’m finally thin. I have the body now that I wanted my whole life.........except its got hanging skin from top to bottom!

I do like to dress up though, if I can find something that doesn’t have slop spilled all over the front of it.If I grab clothes out of my closet when I don’t have my glasses on, I think I look pretty grand until I get my glasses on, and then I realize I look like a bag lady. But no matter how drab I look, a bright scarf or hat does wonders. Older women need a splash of color near their face.
I’ve always gotten lonely when I’m alone too much. It’s not good for anyone to be alone for too long, unless they’re artists.

Getting dressed and going out can take time, though. Sometimes my brain gives my leg the command to move and it just sits there like a dumb dog. It cantake up to a minute to finally get the message and go. I start out all right, but then I veer off in one direction, which is okay, as long as I’m not near water!

I still like to drive my van into town. I just press the gas peddle and go. I smash into things once in awhile in the same way that I smash into things with my legs and elbows, but a few dents never hurt anything.


I keep my eyes open for any opportunity to be surprised or amazed. Why just the other day I noticed a man who had the most marvelously shaped head. When I stopped to compliment him on it, he said he’d never been told that before. It’s amazing to me that someone could go through a whole life with a head like that and nobody would comment on it! It was almost square! I would have loved to have sculpted that square head of his. My last art exhibit was a few months ago, or was that this summer? Whenever it was, I sold all but three paintings. There’s just no accounting for taste. I can’t hold my hand steady any more. Those paintings were simply dreadful! Really, they were!

My relationship with my animals, the birds and humming birds that come to feed every morning and evening, and the friends who call or drop by, are the most important things in my life now. This morning I got so involved in tracing a snail trail back to it’s starting point that I lost all track of time. But at my age, time doesn’t matter. I’m always surprised at where I am and how I ended up there. I can find myself in the kitchen and damned if I can remember what I went in there for. Then I go back into the bedroom to givemyself a clue about why I had gone into the kitchen but I get distracted by a squirrel eating the bird food or the fire that needs tending. It’s a constant source of entertainment.

But the best part about being 89 is that there’s a lot of freedom and damned little peer pressure! None of us are getting younger – but you know what? That’s just fine with me because the best time is always NOW anyway ... As long as my body moves, I get a little attention, and keep managing to have fun, I guess I’ll stick around a little longer.”

transcribed & edited by Sunny Massad